Gravity
by TLS Lyrics and Lemons Contest
Summary: Submission #12 for TLS Lyrics & Lemons O/S Contest


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**TLS Lyrics and Lemons Contest**

Song: Gravity by Sara Bareilles

**http : / / tinyurl . com / 6zrchz7**

Rating: M

Word Count: 3,235

Pairing: Carlisle/Bella

Summary: He told me he didn't like my friends, so I stopped talking to them. He told me my work was taking time away from us, so I quit my job. Is it bad that I love him anyway?

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all.

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**Gravity**

"_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile_

_When I thought that I was strong._

_But you touch me for a little while_

_And all my fragile strength is gone."_

_~Gravity (Sara Bareilles)_

My cell phone vibrated loudly against the wood, my eyes glued to the screen. My heart was screaming at me to answer the call but I needed to stand my ground right now. Something always brought me back to him even though I knew that everything about our relationship was wrong. I was just a game for him, and eventually he would be finished playing me. He was just an addiction; I couldn't really love him…could I?

My finger hovered over the 'answer' button and I desperately wanted to push it, I wanted to hear his voice. I thought about how disgusting I was and how I was potentially ruining someone's life—Esme's life. I thought about how disappointed my parents would be if they found out what their 19 year old daughter had been doing the past 5 months.

When I started college I had high hopes, aspiring dreams, and a new outlook on life. I was confident in myself and making it through the next chapter of my life; I never expected to break, to lose myself. I never expected that I would have an affair with Carlisle Cullen and enjoy myself while doing it.

He promised he would leave his wife when the right time arrived and that we would run off together, start our own life. As time went on and he avoided his promises, he gained control of me without my knowledge. He had been sly about it, like a snake slithering up behind you, and I didn't even notice as I crumbled beneath him.

He told me not to be so silly, so I stopped making jokes. He told me he didn't like my clothes, so I got a new wardrobe of things I hated. He told me he didn't like my friends, so I stopped talking to them. He told me my work was taking time away from us, so I quit my job.

He controlled every aspect of my life yet he was never fully content, he always wanted more power. I never once questioned why he remained married or why he never said he loved me, but I was fine with that at the time.

The last straw was when he wanted me to cut contact with my family since they might expose us. My family meant everything to me and I would never, could never, just abandon them like that. My best friend Alice, whom I had also dumped, contacted me randomly with a much needed wake-up call.

I tried to remember the good times we had together, like when we first met or when he pushed me on the swings late one night. There was the time we spent at his lake house, swimming or the time he let me spend hours in this one bookstore. Those times, I had been happy and he had been loving but it was still always a power struggle. I didn't want to dwell on the bad things and always make him out to be a monster, but it was hard to just ignore the downward spiral he had made my life take. It took me so long to realize how abnormal we were and I had spent 5 months trying to convince myself that he loved me, that we were meant to be.

Our one happiest moment where he had shown me such appreciation and kindness, where he had actually made me believe he loved me without saying it, was our first time together… like that.

_I was bouncing my knee up and down nervously while I watched Carlisle's tall form walk around to my side of the door. Tonight would be the night where we gave the ultimate gift to one another—ourselves. I was tremendously scared since I had only been with one other man that way and I wanted to be able to talk to Alice so bad. I knew that Carlisle wasn't asking for much, me not talking to Alice, especially since he was doing a lot for me by risking his reputation, it just didn't seem fair sometimes. Times like these, when I needed Alice to calm me down and reassure me._

_What if he compared me to his wife Esme and I didn't measure up? What if I did something totally wrong? My mind was going a mile a minute with the what-ifs but when he opened my door and smiled sweetly, I knew it was meant to be._

_Most people would judge us and disapprove without thinking twice but we couldn't help it if we had fallen in love. I didn't plan on getting caught up in this beautiful man, I never would've dreamed that he could want to be with someone like me, but it happened and we were here now. We were ready for each other, even it was early on; we needed each other._

_He kissed my temple gently, clasping our hands together as we walked inside his old lake house. I had been here with him on numerous occasions; since Esme never came here, but when we walked in this time there was a completely different feel to it. The light blue and white color scheme made me happy every time I saw it and now seemed to welcome me with its airy feel._

_Carlisle was flipping on light switches as he guided me to the bedroom and my heartbeat was starting to slow down. I kept telling myself that this was meant to be, that we were meant to be. I looked up at his angular face and actually started feeling giddy; this man wanted me as much as I wanted him—how could I have ever gotten so lucky?_

"_What are you thinking about, love?" He asked me softly, stopping just in front of the open bedroom door._

"_Nothing much, I just love you Carlisle." I squeezed his hand._

"_I know you do, Bella, I know." He smiled down at me, "Are you ready to join me?"_

"_I'm ready." I replied and tried not to let myself get hurt by the fact that he'd never told me he loved me back. I knew he did anyway, he showed it to me a lot… kind of._

"_I want you to go get situated and I'll be right back, okay?" He let go of my hand._

"_Okay, but be quick." I grinned at him before he walked out and towards the bathroom._

_I went and sat on the white bed, automatically, but was very unsure of what to do. Was I supposed to stay dressed and sit here or lay back naked? Was I supposed to let him tell me what to do when he came back or just dive in head first? My nerves had come back full force and I felt myself starting to panic._

_Carlisle was so beautiful, so perfect, he could have any woman he wanted. I was the exact opposite, plain and boring with a simple life and absolutely no men fawning over me. Carlisle already had a beautiful wife with flawless characteristics and amazing talents; yet here I was, desperately trying to keep his favor and attention. I was trying to stay calm and remember our love for each other was strong enough, but then, I was filled with another un-easiness: his wife._

_Alice had asked me, when she found out, what the hell was wrong with me and I honestly didn't have a satisfying answer. I didn't want to be the girl who broke people apart and shattered lives but technically that wasn't going to happen, right? It's just that when Carlisle and I met at the hospital that night, he took an interest in me. I felt special. Jacob Black had been my only boyfriend, who I had given everything to and besides him, no one ever noticed me. So when a man like Carlisle thought I was beautiful, smart, witty, and cute, I couldn't just ignore him could I?_

_He told me he was in the process of a divorce anyway, so it wasn't as wrong as it sounded… really. I had known the Cullen's all through high-school since Carlisle was the head doctor and Esme was a social butterfly. All the girls I knew drooled over him, but no one dared flirt, since he was obviously infatuated with his wife; no one except me, of course._

_Mousy Bella Swan had actually flirted with the handsome doctor, that's right. Out of all the girls in Forks High, I was the last one anyone would have pegged to have an affair with someone but low and behold, I actually was._

_So now here we are getting ready to have sex together, a married man and I, and all I can think about is how to justify this. _

_Thankfully, Carlisle came back in at that moment and saved me from my thoughts. I glanced up and my breath was instantly taken away by his stunning looks. He had taken off his clothes and was now only wearing a pair of tight boxer briefs that left little to the imagination. He was so pale but his skin was flawless from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. He was muscular but not buff and his stomach was firm, in shape. His blonde hair had fallen slightly in his face, right beside one of his beautiful and unique topaz eyes._

_My heart started to splutter, butterflies filled my stomach, and my panties dampened slightly as I was filled with an overwhelming attraction and love for him._

"_Someone's turning red…" He teased me and my cheeks did feel extremely hot now that he mentioned it._

"_I'm sorry!" I blurted out for some reason._

"_Shh, it's okay Bella. Tonight is about you entirely, okay? I want you to be comfortable." He came closer to me with a gentle smile on his face._

"_Okay." Was all I replied, as I took a deep breath._

_He walked right in front of me and I looked up at him nervously, unsure of what he wanted me to do._

"_Relax Bella, just relax for me." He said under his breath and when he leaned down to kiss my forehead; I did relax a little bit._

_He motioned for to scoot over and make room for him, so I crawled to the center of the bed and lay on my back. He followed suit and hovered over me, his face inches from mine. My heartbeat sped up, but this time it wasn't from nervousness. My eyes fluttered shut before he leaned in and closed the distance between us. His lips were cool and soft on my own as he started slow with me. My hand ran up his neck and to his smooth cheek that fit perfectly against my palm. He pulled my lower lip between his own and even that small action was complete bliss for me. He sucked lightly but it felt so good having his lips like that, my head started feeling dizzy._

_He released my lip only to slide his velvety tongue into my mouth, running across my teeth and massaging my own. I ran my fingers through his hair as we kissed, desire starting to take over all my nerves and making me want him like never before. Pulling away from him, noting the lust in his eyes, I started to place open mouthed kisses down his neck and to his chest. I forced him to roll over onto his back so I could be on top and even though he said this was all about me, I wanted him to know how much I loved him._

_He kissed me quickly once more on the lips before I resumed placing kisses on his chest. I admired the way his skin seemed to almost sparkle in this lighting and I admired how his tiny pink nubs contrasted so greatly. I kissed those nubs, too, and enjoyed the way he had his hands in my hair while I peppered his chest with kisses._

"_I love you so much." I breathed out, meaning every word._

_Instead of responding, he pulled me up for another kiss where it seemed like he was saying 'I love you' back through all the passion I felt behind it. His hands snuck under my shirt where his thumbs rubbed over my hips again and again. He snaked my shirt up to my neck and broke apart from me to lift it over my head. Goosebumps covered my body when his hands caressed my ribs and inched up towards my bra. I could feel the growing length pressing against my thigh, making me shiver deliciously while rubbing my leg against it._

_His fingers were unclasping my bra with a practiced fashion as he leaned down to kiss my shoulder before letting it fall from my chest. If I had had any fears of in-adequacy earlier, the darkening of his eyes when he appraised me and the raw desire I saw reflected in them made me feel tremendously valued._

_He was panting quietly beneath me and I don't think I'd ever seen a more beautiful sight than that of Carlisle__**wanting**__me._

_He dove his head into my breasts with a groan, making my eyes close and my head fall back in pleasure. Kissing, licking, and nipping teasingly; it was driving me absolutely insane. I started rubbing my leg harder against the bulge in his boxers as I felt myself growing wetter and wetter by the second._

_I had never felt so appreciated and, dare I say it, beautiful in my life before. Just feeling that hardness pressed against me, the bulge that__**I**__caused, was enough to make me want to please this man in anyway._

_He kissed his way down my stomach, all the way to the edge of my plain white panties. My hooded eyes watching his flurry of kisses with rapt attention. His long fingers hooked under the edge and pulled down painstakingly slow, his beautiful eyes meeting mine with a lazy smirk on his lips._

"_So lovely, my Isabella…" He breathed out softly, my naked body laying there for him to feast on._

_I felt slightly self-conscious when his eyes roamed over every inch of my body, slowly, but as soon as he started stroking my inner thighs, I knew I was a goner._

"_How delicious you look, all spread out for me like this. You're so wet and ready for me—may I taste your beautiful pussy, sweet Isabella?" He ran a finger over my folds for emphasis._

_Even his words had me positively sopping and I could only nod my head lamely as a moan escaped my lips._

_He leaned in close to my glistening mound and just when I thought he would lick me, he inhaled deeply—smelling me._

"_Ohh, my sweet… God, you smell like the finest honey. I wonder if you taste like honey too?" He winked before plunging in, tongue first._

_I gripped his blonde hair painfully tight, my mouth wide open from a scream of pleasure, as my eyes squeezed shut tightly. He was licking over my clit rapidly and I scolded myself for already feeling like I was going to explode. He was doing wonders to my body and I couldn't breathe properly anymore, my whole body on fire. I didn't want to come like this though, I needed him in me._

_My body was tingling all over, screaming for release, and it took all my willpower to pull his head away. I groaned at the loss of his amazing mouth and he was looking up at me expectantly._

"_I need you." I mumbled incoherently and I could've sworn he chuckled at me._

_His skillful, doctor's hands made quick work of taking his boxers off and slipping a condom on as I lay there breathless, eyes on his massive erection. His beautiful cock was long and pale, thick and creamy, and by far the most beautiful thing on earth. I couldn't wait to pleasure him for the rest of our lives but at that moment, I needed him in me._

_He seemed to sense my need and he hovered over me, placing himself at my entrance._

"_I love you." I told him quietly, leaning forward and kissing the top of his shoulder. He smiled reassuringly at me before thrusting forward and filling me completely in a quick movement. It was slightly uncomfortable, adjusting to his size at first, but his look of pure love made any discomfort worth it._

"_Fuck… you're so tight, love." He groaned, his words forced and his eyes furrowed together._ _He pulled out of me slowly before plunging back in and we moaned in unison at the movement._

_I could tell he was trying to go slow and be gentle with me, but I knew we both needed him to go faster. The slow, even thrusts were pleasurable but antagonizing and I needed__**more**__._

"_More…" I moaned out, voicing my needs, and that was the okay he needed to pound in and out of me._

_In, out. In, out. In, out. The rhythm became hard and rough as our noise grew louder and louder._

"_Bella, baby… oh shit I'm so close. I need… you to come for me." He said in between labored breaths. I was so close myself, teetering on the edge of ecstasy from the feeling of being so completely full._

"_Please, baby, please… Come for me." He begged out and as soon as his thumb hit my clit, I was screaming his name._

_I loved this man with all of my heart; I would continue to love him for the rest of my life, too. My mind, soul, and now body was all his._

Tears ran down my face at the vivid memory and I missed that Carlisle so much, I missed that Bella so much. I was grasping at anything, anything that would make me not lose him completely. I need him and I needed him to love me back, to fulfill his promises. I had never wanted anything so much, never wanted anyone so much, yet everything about it was so wrong.

My eyes glanced down to Alice's letter and CD, her plea for me to come back to her and my other friends. She had sent me a CD with a single song on it, telling me to compare my life to that song—"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles.

The words that haunted me constantly from that song were:

"_Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long._

_No matter what I say or do, I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone."_

Alice's words and that damn song were screaming in my head, telling me to stand tall and stay strong.

I didn't need him, right? I could function without Carlisle, couldn't I?

I returned my watery eyes to the 'missed call' on my phone and I made my decision once and for all. My thumb pressed the button slowly and I wiped at my eyes.

His familiar voice picked up on the first ring.

"Isabella, you know I like you to answer the first time I call."


End file.
